One of the commandments relating to honoring one's parents is found in the verse: "Each of you shall hold his mother and his father in awe" (Leviticus 19:3). We learn from here that a child should be brought up to always show deference to his parents because he holds them in awe. There are several ways in which this deference can be expressed. The son refrains from sitting in the place designated for the father or mother. A child may not contradict his parents, and so forth.

Nowadays, educators and child psychologists seem far more concerned with loving one's parents than holding them in awe or external expressions of our respect for them. Likewise, parents are encouraged to radiate their love of their children. According to modern theories, this must be unconditional love, regardless of the child's attitude and\or behavior.

It appears that the Biblical injunction to fear one's parents, and honor them, is out of step with today's philosophy of education. Many parents ask: How does the unconditional love which parents are enjoined to radiate to their offspring fit in with the fear that children are enjoined to show to their parents? Furthermore, they ask, how can a child feel awe or fear towards his parents if the only thing they radiate to him is overwhelming, unconditional love?

Our Talmudic Sages clarified the issue with a succinct saying: "The right hand should always draw the child close, but the left hand should be used when disciplining the child" (Tractate Sotah 47:71). In other words, use your stronger hand to express affection and perform acts which bring the child closer, but your weaker, left hand, when it is necessary to reprimand him or act in a manner that will distance the child from you. The result will be that the overall effect created by both hands will be to draw the child closer and consolidate our bond with him, while not foregoing the realm of discipline altogether.

It is true that love and affection are essential to child-rearing, but we must also keep in mind that a parent-child relationship which is based on love alone is dangerous for the child. If it is to be constructive, the parent-child bond must be comprised of both elements, love and awe, and both must be in the right proportion. The Talmud gives us the guidelines: The power of the right hand, which expresses our love, must make a stronger impression on the child's upbringing that the left hand, which we use to discipline him.

A relationship of love alone is appropriate between friends. The verse tells us "Love covers over all sins" (Proverbs 10). A true friend accepts his companion just as he is, with all his strengths and good points, together with his weaknesses. He does not feel responsible for his friend's shortcomings, and makes no effort to try to correct them. Not so the educator and parent, who must never be blind to the child's faults. As we find in Proverbs 22, "Skepticism is tied up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline will drive it far from him." A child, by definition, is under the influence of negative powers and cannot free himself of them. He has not yet acquired the judgment needed in order to distinguish between good and evil. Now, while he is still young, his skepticism about moral matters can still be corrected.

Should his parents relate to him with love alone, they will be endorsing this negative tendency as well as his positive traits. He will have no reason not to persist in his mistaken attitude; no one is educating him to change and to correct his weaknesses. As a result, the parents end up ruining their child rather than helping him to grow and mature into a better person as an adult.

Patents who truly love their child and are willing to sacrifice for his benefit will employ both "hands" – right and left – in the correct proportions. There should always be some element of awe for the parent together with deep love and affection. When the child misbehaves, they will appear to be annoyed with him. If he makes a mistake, they will point out his error to him, without insulting him or belittling him. On the contrary; they will stress that they are confident that he will correct his mistake from now on.

A child who is anxious to win his parents' affection will indeed alter his behavior in order to win their approval. In this manner, the parent achieves his goal of molding his child's behavior and character.

Productive education is based on authority; parental authority is based on awareness that children are bestowed upon us from Above. We must devote ourselves to their education and guide them to achieve the full potential with which their Creator endowed them.